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Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Steve & Susan Vinton
Village Schools International
Box 1929 Tomball Texas 77377
January 30, 2010
At first I was just simply so angry I knew it was best that I keep silent and say nothing. And then my anger transformed into frustration, wicked pounding frustration, where I felt that I just wanted to run up the mountain and be alone and scream. So much goes so wonderfully in the work here that it normally crowds out the things that are negative -- and yet sometimes the things that are negative just keep stacking up higher and higher until it just seems that enough is enough. And there I was staring at the new building there in the village of Haraka after having come to the painful realization that they had built much of the building without using a level, without using a tape measure and I felt the waves of frustration wash over me and pull me down. We're building 23 schools in this country and this was the first place that I had ever seen such a disaster -- on any other day, during any other week, I really would have handled it all in a better way, but inside it just tore me up. The wasted cement. The wasted time. The zillions of other pressures left and right and now this! I spent a half hour trying to understand how it had even happened, another half hour trying to figure out a solution, but it was just so obvious that all of those walls simply had to be ripped down and rebuilt. I recovered, of course. Of course I recovered. Because I knew I had to recover. I had to make myself come back down the mountain, I had to speak to the thousands of people who had assembled, I had to tell them that when you start a journey sometimes you get get a flat tire, but you fix the flat tire and you drive on, you don't throw the car away, you don't abandon your trip. I had to tell them that sometimes people make mistakes when they build and it's like a flat tire and you just have to pick yourself up and fix and repair it and go on. I had to say all of those things because I am who I am here and I have to do and say the right thing, but in my heart, it had just been one too many things. I could feel everything all closing in on me. How many more things could possibly go wrong?
And I found myself again wondering what were the specific things that Paul was refererring to when he said that He felt hard pressed on all sides, that he was in despair, that the pain of it all was too much. I decided that he was led purposefully by God to not tell us the details, because, I'm just guessing here, some of the details were big and some of the details were petty and seemingly trivial. At times like this over the years Susan reads the Psalms. Paul wrote epistles and sometimes I find inspiration in them; David wrote psalms and there are times when I find inspiration in them. I know where to go to in the Scriptures when I need that kind of inspiration. But occasionally I stumble across something in the Scriptures that I've missed before. And occasionally I stumble across something written by someone of a lesser stature than Paul or David, something written that certainly is not inspired in the sense that the Scriptures are, but nonetheless inspired in such a way that God uses it to speak to hearts. I was thankful this morning by the writings of one of our missionaries here. I read it through quickly the first time, more slowly and thoughtfully the second time, and then because it was something that she wrote in her native tongue and I liked it so much, I resolved to slowly translate each line into English, partially so that I could keep it, partially so I could share it, partially so I could force myself spend some time thinking about each line. Psalms 145 and 146 are timeless, the words crowd out everything around us ...
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How great is our God! When I look at things from my own perspective, I can easily see the difficulties, the frustrations, the failures. When I look at human nature and my own heart, there are times I can only be sad, angry, hurt. When discouragement is there and prevents me from seeing all of the blessings around me, when things are dark all around me, I take refuge at the school between the buildings under construction and the classrooms we use. I turn on my MP3 player to listen to praise music and I fix my attention on heaven. Nothing around me exists anymore. There is only me, God and this school. As if the three of us were speaking to each other. And I come back to all of the reasons that my heart is convinced that Village Schools Tanzania is doing what is right, what God demands be done. And in that moment, I want nothing more in this world than to be here. Behind each brick: a student, a parent, someone from this village. Behind each wall: a teacher, a group of students. In each office: copies of exams, books, notebooks, people giving of themselves for this work that is Village Schools Tanzania. Behind this school: hope, joy, an education, a Biblical witness, work, courage, a refusal to give up, victories, lives transformed, conversions. There are also the words in the text message I've saved in my phone announcing the wonderful results on the national exams this year: Thanks to our God, to you, and to all those who prayed for us, we are today in a great joy. A message from Erasto who I taught English to in 2007. It has been so long since I have talked with them. After their great victory on the national exams, many have called to share with me their joy. I think again of the great joy that it is to enter into the classroom every morning and to see the faces of all of these young people. I think of words of the families we visit in the village as they say over and over again how much hope this school gives them for the future, the joy and the pride that it brings to their village. I think of the things we talk about, my students and I, when we study the Bible together. I think that among these students are those who are fathers of families, those who are orphans, those who had no hope, those who are among the poorest of the poor. A huge work this is, a total commitment, difficult battles. But beyond all of that is a conviction, a profound certainty that God is here and He is at work. A conviction that God asks us to transmit His love in this place, that the Lord is shaping each of us and walks at our side to help us to glorify Him. None of us here can do this in our own strength, but it is through God who is at work through us. And then after this long moment in the presence of God, after having given over to him all that hurts and to allow Him to show me all the wonder that He is doing around me, my heart is in joy, moved by this wonder, and thankful that I am allowed to witness it. Some might say to me that the walls do not speak. I will respond to them that our walls that belong to us in Village Schools Tanzania, these walls speak. They tell us of the plans of God for the poorest of the poor in Tanzania. And what they tell is full of love, and brotherhood and hope. I am profoundly thankful to every one of you who support this ministry. I would want to send to you the greetings of hundreds of my students who walk to our school every morning, of the parents who have found joy in thinking that there is a future for their children, and all of those who work day after day to make all of this possible. From all of those who see in their lives the goodness of God through Village Schools Tanzania, thanks to all of you. Be certain in your hearts, be totally convinced, that our Lord, our Master, is at work here in Tanzania, that He has chosen to show His greatness to the poorest of the poor and that all of us who are serving in this work are thankful to Him that he has allowed us to have a part in the construction of His Kingdom. Our God is a God of Love, let us give Glory and Honor unto Him. They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds. They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your rightenousness. The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. Psalm 145:6-9
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